Today is May 26th— EmyG would have been 6 months old. At one point, we thought she would be home with us by now. At one point, we thought she would be on PD by now. At one point, we thought she had “made it.” We made plans for her. We had so many clothes— swimsuits, summer clothes, some clothes even up to 2 years old. We had a stroller. We had a room in our house for her.
What hurts today is that she is not here. Instead of visiting room 3129 in Unit 3, we visited Roselawn Memorial Park. She did not greet us with an eyebrow raise, or a cry or a smirk. She greeted us with silence.
The week leading up to her funeral was not the hardest. I was still doing things for her— deciding where she would lay to rest, helping her get from Minnesota to Wisconsin, inviting all of her friends and relatives to a service in her memory. These are all mommy things. It’s hardest after all the things are done. The mourners have come and gone. We’ve received all the flowers. She is put to rest.
It feels the amplitude of happy moments is diminished while the sorrow of her absence is ubiquitous. Keeping busy helps me not to suffer. We’ve done some gardening, some shopping, light cooking and cleaning. Being alone is the worst. Waking up in the morning is hard. God is my comfort. Ezra is my support. God is with us. She is with God.
Baby Menon 
I spent some time in the sun this afternoon thinking of Emauela. I felt the sun on my face, felt the breeze in my hair and prayed for you to feel the peace in your heart that I was feeling in that moment.
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Prayers & Hugs to both you & Ezra.
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She is and will always be the Princess of my heart. I think about her a lot and know she is in a better place, waiting for our time to see her again!! Much, much love!!! Grandpa Carrizales
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