Author: E.A. Menon

EmyG continues to impact our lives. I think of her everyday. Rebekah and I are both on the wards now. We see sick patients day in and day out. We haven’t really talked about it together.

From my perspective… I can compartmentalize my experiences on the wards from what happened with EmyG. I can walk into the room of an ESRD patient and focus on that person in front of me. I can work up a septic patient, without thinking of the horror that the family and patient are going through. I can be there when an attending physician tells a family that there is no chance their child will live without succumbing to the gut wrenching pit those words force a parent into. So many things these patients and their families have gone through, we went through with EmyG. But it’s not about me, it’s about them. So I compartmentalize. But I don’t compartmentalize the compassion I learned from her situation. How her doctors and nurses cared for her and us. Even if it’s scary, I know people need to stand alongside them as they face serious illness, or death. Emy taught me to value my time with family, and to value the people I am caring for. She was a little human going through trials and tribulations, as are many of my patients. People think doctors are calculating and cold. Not spending much time with patients. That they don’t feel for their patients. That’s not true. They have scores of patients and only so much time in the day. So they have to move from patient to patient to ensure everyone is cared for. As a med student, I have more time to spend with my few patients. With the time that I have, I try to do that. People cannot always be with their loved ones in their sickest moments. Thankfully, God provided so that Rebekah and I could be there for EmyG. And that’s a lesson I take with me. I’ve been put in a position, at a specific time, to be as useful as I can be as a medical trainee. I can practice making my plans, presenting my patients, ordering labs and meds. But the biggest impact I can have is to spend my time with patients and their families as they go through the unknown. Offer an ear, a distraction, a “this is tough, I’m sorry this is happening to you”. Let the family know you truly care about their loved one. Let the loved one know you are listening, and empathizing.

I can never know what they feel, no matter how similar the situation. That’s always important to remember.

EmyG was blessed to have her mama and papa with her. And we were blessed to be with her. Until the very last moment here on earth.

Gosh I miss you little love bug.

Little one… your mama and I miss you incredibly. It’s been one year and three days. We are one year further away from you in time. I miss your little hands, little feet, and your warm smile. The weeks leading up to the anniversary were scary. I didn’t know what it would be like. Would I weep all day? Or brood? Or have no energy at all?

As the weeks drew down and the anniversary loomed, my heart felt weak. Not as weak as it did right after your death. A fraction of that. I dreaded this anniversary. My thoughts kept going to your last weeks. The strokes and your downturn, the pain and grief. The complex and confusing thoughts about how we prayed so hard for your healing and that God chose not to answer those prayers. Rather, he had mercy on you and your condition. He took you to be with him.

Some good friends of ours have been walking with us through this journey of grief and healing. On the evening of the anniversary, they cared for your mama and papa. They listened to us tell your stories. They watched your videos. They loved us and comforted us. God has blessed us. The anniversary turned out to be a day of blessing and love. A day where I remembered the good times, and how blessed we were to have you. It was a day of thankfulness.

Now, we await the arrival of your sister. You have inspired us in so many ways. And one of those ways is to be the best parents we can to your little sister. She will see your pictures, and watch your videos, and hear your stories. Your soul is in heaven, and your memory and legacy will continue on here on earth.

We love you EmyG.

She passed away not long ago. We held her and told her how much we loved her. We were blessed to be able to take her outside and let her pass in God’s warm sun.

She is with Jesus now.

EmyG is staying stable. She has been able to wean a bit more off of her ventilator. This time last week we were calling family in, preparing for her possible passing. The team did was worried she wouldn’t survive the week.

Here we are a week later. She is getting stronger. She is more awake and responsive. We are praying her sight returns, that she continues to recover and heal.

God has put it on our hearts that EmyG will heal. We are praying for God to help us understand what healing will look like. We continue to pray for a miracle with regards to her recovery.

She has massive barriers to overcome before being able to get a kidney. We are praying God heals what needs to be healed, improves what needs to be improves, and sustains what needs to be sustained, in order to be eligible for a kidney.

Please pray for healing of her brain, infection, fractures, and immune system. Please pray for sustenance and improvement of her state of health. Please pray for Rebekah and I, that we are strong, receptive to God’s guidance, and for faith in Christ’s healing power.

The docs told us EmyG is out of septic shock. Praise Jesus!

She is still able to grasp our fingers, to wake up when we speak to her, to respond to light. These are good signs. We were told she won’t be able to “meaningfully interact with her environment”. We are praying for miraculous recovery and healing.

We are still praying for healing of her infection.

God has brought her through so much, and we pray He continues to do so.

She has extensive brain damage.

She wakes up when we hold her. She calms down when we soothe her. She enjoys listening to us talk with her. She loves being sung to. As long as she is able to enjoy life, we will fight for her life.

God is able.

Rebekah it’s been quite strong. For some reason I’m having major doubts and finding it hard to trust that God will heal Emy. We’ve heard from some docs that she will have major issues being able to eat, speak, and have other major deficits. We talk with the neurological team today at three. We are praying that there was nothing that will compromise her ability to get a transplant.

Please pray that Rebekah and I are sustained and ministered to by the Holy Spirit. This has been a long road, and this week has been the most difficult and sustained level of sorrow that we’ve ever had. Please pray that God heals Emy’s brain, and that she does not have deficits. Please pray that if it is God’s will that she will have deficits, that they are manageable and not too severe. Her worth is not defined by what she can or can’t do, or by what kind of life she will be able to live. She is an image bearer of the Most High. She is God’s child. I admit that my concerns are mostly earthly, and physical. I am ashamed that despite being made new in Christ, I still concern myself so much with what happens here on earth.

Please pray for us as the Spirit leads you.

EmyG is going for her MRI right now. We were told that the CT from earlier this week showed significant damage that will severely impact her functioning.

We know physically, in terms of “natural processes and functions”, there is no hope for recovery. God operates outside of this realm. People ask how I, as an epidemiologist, can believe anything beyond odds and probabilities. Odds and probabilities can describe God’s creation, but they do not describe God, or his capabilities.

We are praying for a miracle regarding her brain.

EmyG is stable. She is on a little bit of pressure support, but less than yesterday and much less than two days ago. She is still on a ventilator, but is not on as high of support as before.

There’s evidence that she may have a fungal infection, but where, we do not know. Fungal infections are very serious and difficult to treat. Please pray that she can overcome this, and that God saves her life.

She had an unexplained dip in her temperature today. The thought is that it may be due to neurological damage, or some infectious process. This is concerning.

They are going to be taking her for an MRI this evening. We are praying that they can place an IV so that they can use contrast and get better images. Please pray that the MRI goes well and that it provides answers.

Overall please pray for her life, for healing, and for normal neurological function to return.

EmyG is stable, but still critical. She had a good night. They were able to back off on some of her blood pressure medication, and back off on some of her respiratory support. She is not out of the woods yet.

Last afternoon, the doctor told us that this is going to be an hour by hour situation. Death is a real possibility. She got to meet her grandmomma, her chachin, her grandma and grandpa, her uncle Joey and aunt Hannah, and her Tio Theo.We gathered around her and prayed Psalms over her, prayed over her, and watched.

We are thankful to God that she is in a better spot at the moment. We are riding the hour by hour roller coaster, aware that at any moment things can change. God worked through her team and stabilized her, his sovereignty down to the atom allowing her body to be sustained.

The plan for today is to continue to watch her. They are going to continue to back off on her pressure medications, the paralytic, and other sedative drugs.

It is so incredibly hard not to focus on the microscopic moment. I’ve made this comparison before regarding God leading the Israelites away from famine and into Egypt, out of Egypt and into the desert, out of the desert and then to the promised land. Maybe this was our Red Sea moment. I pray that God sustains Rebekah and I, and put it on our heart to focus on where he is taking us, and not dwell and wallow in the moment.

Please pray for her life, her comfort, healing and recovery from the infection and strokes.